how can u be prego again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
