There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wish there were birth control emojis
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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