By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
