and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
