you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
