bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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