Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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