EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
