At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
