me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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