Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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