Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
