it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
