I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
