you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.