Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.