I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head