A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
