Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
