my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
