Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
