We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
