I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
