I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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