And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
