Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
