It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
