why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
