I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
