Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
