Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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