Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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