I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
