people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
