I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
