Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
