I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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