just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Come on in and take your pants off
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