why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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