there's paper in my vomit.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
