So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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