I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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