Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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