What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize