you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
