I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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