no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
