your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
