No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
