No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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