plz talk dirty to me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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