I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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