I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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