Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
