she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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