The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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