When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
