I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
