When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need moral support for this bender
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
