It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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