Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize