I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
