I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
