There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
