when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
