I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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