This is not my ceiling
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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