Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize