I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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