It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
