i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
