The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
