so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
