Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
