Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
