im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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